On my way to work with the snow falling… I was walking and I closed my eyes and let the flakes hit my face.As I sit here. 20 minutes before the kids arrive at school, listening to Snoopy vs. the Red Baron and watching the snow fall… I am reflecting
Is it almost Christmas.. 3 days before to be exact.. It has snowed more here in Korea in the month of December than I have ever seen it snow all winter in NC. It has been joyous to have the snow throughout December. Despite the powdery white love… I feel zombie-ish. For the first time in my 26 years, it doesn’t feel like Christmas to me. I don’t know if it’s because I don’t get a snow day in Korea.. or if it’s because I am moving in February so I am not decorating..or if it’s because I am not with my family. If it’s a collaboration of all of it plus more.. but it sucks. I woke up this morning pretty grumpy and it made me sad because it is so close to Christmas. I know when I do get back to NC that my time is going to fly by and it slightly makes me sad. I also know that when I get there my pawpaw is not going to be there anymore.. and that is heartbreaking. It is going to be a Christmas full of emotions and I don’t know if I am really ready for it. Being in Korea–I don’t really get a personal life at my current job. Your life doesn’t matter outside of school so many feelings I have had to suppress. I am a robot here and not a person. I just–my mind isn’t all there for Christmas at the moment.
This might just be a jumble of nonsense because I am no fully awake and now my mind is consuming itself with the shit I need to do.